I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
