The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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