I need help removing her.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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