Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
