every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
