Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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