Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
