i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
