I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
