you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
