So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
