he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
