We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
