if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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