i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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