your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
