I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
