dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
farters have to be the big spoon...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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