bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
