I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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