did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
