I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
