The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
