Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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