to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
