remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
