i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
