watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
