The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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