capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
