The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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