Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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