I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
