my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
