I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
