There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
