I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Vodka?
Forever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
