The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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