i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
