He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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