4 words: hood of his car
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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