Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
