booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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