You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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