I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
