that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
