I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We don't watch enough power rangers
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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