every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
