the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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