I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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